We're All Naked Underneath Our Clothes

I spend at least two hours on the bus/metro every day. Today was longer because of a traffic jam on Rua Atlântica, which made the commute take an extra 30 minutes. It affords me a lot of time for idle introspection and people-watching, and occasionally reading, if I feel the need to compete with the bumpiness.

You see yourself a lot on the subway - catch yourself in reflections whenever you pass through dark tunnels. I caught myself staring at myself today on the way home. I couldn't help but notice my outfit (black shirt, brown capris) and wonder what would happen if I rode the subway in a bikini. How many times would it take before I stopped feeling naked and self-conscious? Men here jog in speedos, you know. They manage to create pseudo-pockets where I thought none could exist, and somehow carry their cell phone and keys while jogging along. They also walk around, ride the bus, and go grocery shopping in speedos, on a related note. And the weather is picking up, so I suppose I'll see even more of this.

I'm beginning to feel anxious. In two days, I'll have only a month left here. I know I'm the one who planned on coming back in December, and surely I'll be able to find a job somewhere, but change, as always, scares me. You'd think I'd be getting used to it, and maybe I am, but it's a nice place, Rio, and I wouldn't mind staying longer, and more than anything right now I think I just need to put down some roots and stand a little still. Standing still on the subway everyday is useless if the rest of my life is spent running around.